After receiving THE CALL on Good Friday, we knew that the next step would be to meet our expectant mother for a dinner meeting. The goal of the meeting was mostly for her to ask us some questions and listen to us tell a bit of our life story. By having this kind of interview and conversation she would be able to get a sense for what we are like, get answers to any pressing questions, and make sure that she is comfortable with us. At this point she could decide that she doesn't like us and end it right there.
I don't think that I have ever been so nervous as I was before this meeting. Ben, not so much. Typical. He figured since she had read our profile book and 18 page detailed home study, she knows everything there is to know about us already... and still picked us!
So, we drove down to the shopping area where we were meeting at an Earl's restaurant. Much too early, of course. We had about 30 minutes to kill. All I could think about though was that our birth mom might also be in the shopping area killing time! And she knew exactly what we looked like, and we had absolutely no clue what she looked like! We didn't even know if she was a blonde or a brunette, so everywhere we looked we wondered if we would bump into her! Solution? Go into the store you figure no one ever really goes in and hang out there! Danier Leather. I tried on at least three tacky jackets.
Once the time had come to go to the restaurant my heart was racing pretty fast. Was I wearing the right thing? Did I look good enough? Would she think that I looked like a mother should look? What would I say that I would regret later? Will I be at a loss for words?
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| This is us about to leave for our dinner meeting! Note the cute little boy trying to get a way so as not to be in the picture, lol. |
Thankfully, we saw our social worker right away when we entered the restaurant. I guess the host thought that a booth right in the front middle of the restaurant would qualify as "something quiet in the corner." Anyways, the social worker was alone, so we had arrived first. We had a chance to chat with her about everything and try to calm down a bit. A few minutes later our birth mom arrived.
She looked nervous too. Very nervous. I had to remind myself that I had read several times that a birth mom is just as worried that you won't like her! She thinks that you might think that she has poor morals, or bad decision making skills, or that she isn't taking care of herself. None of which is the case of course, but everyone has their own insecurities.
Once the conversation got going a little bit it was actually okay. We were asked to tell a basic version of our life story. I was nervous so I don't even remember what I said anymore, but I think it went okay. Ben was way more relaxed than me and seemed to have an easy time getting some humour into the conversation, which I am sure everyone appreciated.
This was our chance to discuss with our birth mom what she was hoping for in terms of an open adoption relationship with us. We thought that she would have a good idea of what she wanted, but it became pretty clear once our social worker started asking her questions that she just didn't know yet what she would want and what would be healthy. We left this topic for a discussion at a later date.
In the end, after about an hour and a half together, we could tell that all of the questions had been asked and answered and that we should probably say goodbye. Our social worker told us that she would discuss everything with our birth mom and give us a call the next day to let us know if she was still happy with her choice. This would also be our opportunity to decide if we wanted to enter into an open adoption relationship with her.
We were very worried when we didn't get a call the next day.
Half of the next day passed and I decided to send our social worker an email asking what was up. The message I got back, much later in the day, said that she hadn't spoken to our birth mom yet because she was busy, but that she was happy after the meeting and liked us. Hmm. Okay. We had to wait another day for the real answer, but at least it was a good answer!
And by the way, we adore her.
to be continued...
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